“Alright everybody look sharp, we are about to go live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,†and with that the director pointed to the two sports announcers sitting behind a fake desk plopped incongruously on a rocky ledge by the west bank of the Hudson River.
The first announcer took the cue. “Well Bob, it’s a beautiful morning here by the banks of the gently flowing Hudson, birds chirping their little hearts out, and the sun is just popping its yellow head over the horizon.â€
“Yes Ray, another stunning Weehawken sunrise. I see that the contestants are here for the duel, their seconds hashing out the final details before this competition starts.â€
“Alexander Hamilton looks a little nervous, but he is normally a strong competitor, Ray.â€
“Probably just cold, Bob, the sun isn’t high enough to warm the landscape yet.â€
“Speaking of cold, Ray, Aaron Burr seems to be his usual frosty self. Hard to believe he is the vice president.â€
“Yes, but not president, and I think that answers the obvious question. Burr has been demanding this duel for some time now, and Hamilton is finally going to give him satisfaction which might not end up the way Burr obviously anticipates. It seems to me-â€
“Excuse me, Ray, but it looks like the seconds are checking out the firearms. Let’s switch to our field reporter, Tom Hastings, for the details. Tom?â€
“Thanks Bob. As the folks at home can hopefully see, if I can get Aaron Burr’s second to tilt the revolver box this way, there, thanks, you will notice the flintlock is one of the sleek German models, maximum firepower, minimum weight, contoured barrel, minimal recoil. In all, a superior dueling pistol, one lethal weapon. Who is the maker of this fine pistol?â€
Burr’s second answered, “Rippenzbigholez of Berlin. The champion of dueling pistols.â€
“Okay, Bob and Ray, there you have it.â€
“Tom, what is Hamilton using?â€
“Ray, Hamilton brought his old trusty British Dunnmist flintlock it appears. Nothing special for Alex, it seems. Back to you.â€
“Well, the two duelists seem to be exchanging pleasantries before the action.â€
“They don’t seem too pleasant actually, Bob; Burr is taking the opportunity to insult Hamilton with some especially salty language. Boy, that is some string of unprintable words.â€
“Hamilton looks a little flushed and, is that what I think I see, yes it is, well, how do I describe it – Hamilton is giving Burr half of a peace sign and a particular wet raspberry.â€
“Yes, lots of posturing and threats to psyche out their opponent today; hey, it looks like the seconds are going to have to separate them; Burr’s temper has gotten the best of him. Should be quite a duel.â€
“Alright the match judge is calling both men and their seconds to the center of the dueling ring for some final instructions before the match begins. I can feel the excitement in the air; how is it up close to the action, Tom?â€
“Definitely electric, Ray. These two political figures are ready to get this contest underway; it has been a long time in coming, and there is no love lost between them.â€
“Thanks, Tom, okay, the two duelists are standing back to back now and the regulation ten-step turn and fire rule is in place. The match judge checks that the seconds are out of the way and in neutral territory.â€
“The match judge has waved this handkerchief, the two contestants are walking their ten paces now and this thing is about to happen. Tom, give us the play-by-play. â€
Tom whispers, “Both men have turned now, facing each other only twenty steps apart. Hamilton is raising his pistol, really raising it high, and he fires. He’s shot into the trees to Burr’s right. Guys, he threw away his shot, apparently ending this duel on an honorable note.â€
“What about Burr, is he-“
“Hold it, Burr is aiming, and he is in this to win. Oh, a direct hit above Hamilton’s right hip; he is going down, gentlemen, he is hurt, maybe badly.â€
“What an upset. Although not surprising, considering that it’s Burr; comments, Bob?â€
“Hamilton is going to feel that in the morning for sure. And Burr definitely sucker-shot him after Hamilton tried to acquit this grudge match honorably. Certainly not the expected outcome, considering the betting line, but an interesting duel nonetheless.â€
“Thanks for joining us this morning, now back to our regular programming. Today on Good Morning Weehawken, Ethan Allen and His Green Mountain Boys will be performing some of their popular country hits, including ‘Benedict Arnold Was A Redcoat Weasel’. From everyone here at SportsBeat, have a good day!â€
Rod Drake observes, thinks and writes in the neon wonderland of Las Vegas. Check out Rod’s longer stories posted in Fictional Musings, Flash Forward, MicroHorror, Six Sentences and AcmeShorts.
An interesting take on political rivalry.