I want you to know, I don’t blame you. I know what you said in the courtroom isn’t true. That lawyer, the way he talked, he could have tricked anyone. For a few moments he almost had me believing it, believing all those awful things they said about me, that I was dangerous and deluded, that I needed to be kept away from you. But how could I believe that? Throughout this, through everything that has happened since we last saw each other, one truth alone has kept me going, the greatest truth of all: that you and I belong together.
I know you know this truth too. That’s why I don’t blame you. I know you are just scared. It is okay to be scared, my love. I know you are afraid of what they’ll say. That’s why I have come back, to help you understand that it doesn’t matter what they say. It has taken me a long time to realise this myself. I stayed away from you, I went to see the therapists like they said, I tried to put you out of my mind. But now I have awoken to the truth and nothing will shake my belief. That is why I know I must persuade you, because once you are wakened too, you will share my knowledge, you will understand why nothing else matters, that nothing else could ever matter because the bond between us is the greatest thing of all, greater than the entire universe, for between us, in our bond, exists the balance that binds all existence together.
They tried to keep this truth from us. They tried so hard, but even in their efforts they only led me closer to the truth. The therapist said I needed to put myself out there more, take part in society, find new interests. He made me join an art group. Every Thursday so-called beautiful women would sit before us, naked and grotesque. The others would fawn over them, but I could only draw you. The teacher told us that each of our individual drawing styles reflected our personalities. I knew that my personality was you and only you. That is why I couldn’t draw the other women. They wore the mask of your face as pretenders and I hated them for it. I drew you and looked upon your image with longing, and I looked at them with loathing. And I knew it wasn’t your fault, nor mine, nor even the ugly women – it was the fault of those who would keep us apart, for when we are apart there can only be hatred.
That is why I have come back to New York, to tell you this. I know you are good and pure, that even if you don’t fully understand the good that can come from us being together, you will see the bad that could come if we are apart. I know we must be together so your kindness can quench the fires of my rage, and I know you will understand this. They said things to make you fear me, but you must know that when I am with you, all the hatred and anger in me burns like mere campfire embers amid the cool air of your love. You must also know, then, that without you I blaze like the infernos of hell itself. That is what you should truly fear.
I know that your compassion will compel you to end this because if we stay apart the universe will continue to collapse. I know I’m confusing you, my love, but think back: think of when we were together, when we were happy. Our shared smiles gave the world balance and order. But then they got to you. They told you I was bad for you. They poisoned your sweet mind with their lies and the world was at once unjust chaotic. That was five years ago. Five years ago tomorrow when the bond between us was broken. Watch your television and see all the misery and suffering that has been inflicted upon the innocent because of the lies they told you. You will see the same truth I saw as I sat alone watching those crumbling buildings from my apartment window, contemplating a life without you while everyone else began to contemplate a world without peace.
I know you will see those things and I know you will then understand. And I know you will come back to me, not for my sake, but for the sake of all that is good and right in the world. Together we can end this. Together we can restore the bond that binds the universe before it falls apart forever.
We do not have long. Their poison has reached me too. I am beset with evil and even my thoughts of you are beginning to fail. Before long I will be nothing but evil and then there will be no hope for us, no hope for all existence. I beseech you, reform our bond, bring the universe to order. You know what I am capable of, but can your pure mind truly comprehend the horrors that will be unleashed if we are not together again? The only hope for all life is that you can.
I will give you until 8:46 tomorrow morning, five years since it began, five years since we last saw each other, then I shall end it. I will be outside the embassy on 42nd Street. If you are not there I will detonate explosives. They will rip through me and open a tear that will destroy the world through politics and madness. Only you can fix that tear. I have come back in the hope that you understand, but the poison drowns my hope by the minute. Their lies have brought me here. I pray they do not prevent you from joining me.
Alex’s website is located at www.sparkleandbelieve.net/
Powerful writing. Great use of 1st person POV.