Comments on: Heaven - Jason Evans

By: Prashanth

Prashanth — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 11:58:06 +0000

This is classic, sly, sharp. Very, very well done. Really enjoyed it.

Like someone already mentioned here, the opening is perfect, perfectly imagined – a viewpoint beautifully established. I say, I vote for the opening, more than anything else.

This, is writing.

By: K. Lawson Gilbert

K. Lawson Gilbert — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 00:14:02 +0000

Everything IS relative. Heaven for some…would be hell for others.

Loved the back and forth conversation…very natural. Fresh dialogue.

And the beginning was soooooo stimulating…just glad I didn’t know that I was getting breathless over maggots.

Entertaining…as always, Jason.

K. Lawson Gilbert

By: Jools

Jools — Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:57:29 +0000

Brilliant work – love it!

By: jason evans

jason evans — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 04:24:56 +0000

Fran, haha! You got it precisely. I was going for an erotic-type feel at the beginning and knew “soup” would be a clinker.

This piece was really fun to do. :D

By: Fran Piper

Fran Piper — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 19:52:49 +0000

Oh, great job! The beginning almost erotic, but with a question (soup?) and then a very well executed but apparently unrelated piece of dialog, and finally the connection at the very end. You handed out the information so carefully, it was impossible to guess where you were going – but the dialog was so natural that I didn’t feel you were withholding information.

Very, very well done!

By: jason evans

jason evans — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 16:32:03 +0000

BD, the ones you don’t see coming are the best!——Stephen, thanks for the kind words!——Jaye, do I hear a challenge in there? Do I hear Jason-Evans-couldn’t-write-romance-if-St.-Valentine-slapped-him-upside-the-head? Okay, we’ll see about that. ;)——Jim, thanks! I kind of see it as horror meets mystery meets humor.——Robert, I’ve been experimenting with just how much backstory can be delivered in a few words of dialog.——Joni, glad you like it, and weren’t too creeped out!——Jay, hehe. :D

By: Jay

Jay — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 01:57:13 +0000

Whoa, nice departure!

By: Joni

Joni — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 20:45:48 +0000

You’ve got a lot packed into just a few words. I gotta say I loved this one. Just icky enough. Good job, Twilight Keeper.

By: Robert Ball

Robert Ball — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 14:14:24 +0000

Jason, another great example of dialog carrying the storyline. Great descripton of off stage character (coroner). Great ending.

By: Jim

Jim — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 12:54:13 +0000

Jason, I believe this is the most commented story to date. Congrats! I also think that you certainly pushed the boundary of horror (since I can’t really classify it under any other category). Or maybe it’s more a case of toeing the line. :)