In 2075, the Imperial Mall Government implemented the Mall Rat Implant Program to cut down on shoplifting.
Third offender shoplifters were injected with MR Chips, that allowed Mall security to follow their movements and monitor thought patterns. The information was relayed from the chips to Mall Monitor Central via satellite hook-up. The program was infallible and shoplifting was decreased by 99%.
But on Black Friday, the five worst offenders formed a cartel and entered the Mall with a plan to beat the system. Failure meant a permanent ban from Mall society. Social death, the scourge of adolescence.
“Officer Trevane, we’re getting nothing but static from the MR Chip scanners. Are you sure the minors haven’t demagnetized their brain implants?” asked the Chief Mall Monitor.
“All five tested positive when they entered the Mall scanning doors,” replied the security officer.
“There’s something wrong. We should be able to monitor them, but there’s only static coming through to the central system. Deploy five security guards to their location.”
“Already deployed, sir. The females have taken up a lotus position near the Frog Fountain. They’re humming, sir, and wearing aluminum foil hats.”
“Aluminum foil doesn’t block the transmissions, that’s merely a fable created by insane alien star gazers. These are adolescence females. It’s impossible for the female brain not to be in motion. And it’s statistically impossible for such a phenomenon to occur in five females at the same precise moment. They’re devising some sort of mischief. Don’t allow them out of your sight. I’m diverting more officers to your location to keep them under surveillance.”
Twenty officers formed up around the lotus circle. A lip twitched on one of the girls and the officers took an offensive stance. Officer Trevane removed the portable scanner from his holster and waved it over each silent head, receiving a due diligence beep from each chip. The officers relaxed their stance.
An hour after the officers took up their positions, the Mall security alarms blared an alert. Every store in the Mall was reporting mass merchandise theft. Five officers secured the girls while the rest scrambled to position themselves near the exits to catch the departing thieves.
The girls were taken to Mall Monitor Central for questioning.
“I want to know how you girls did it?” thundered the Chief.
“Did what?”
“Shoplifted from every store in the Mall.”
“But sir, we were sitting in the middle of the mall, surrounded by your security officers, practicing our yoga. How could we possibly steal anything?”
“I don’t know how you did it, but I know you’re responsible.”
“Then prove it. You’ve got the monitor tapes from our MR Chip implants. You know exactly what we were thinking and doing the entire time we were in the Mall.”
“There are no tapes. I don’t know how you managed it, but the tapes are full of static.”
“Gee, it must have been those aluminum hats we were wearing. They really work.”
“Aluminum has no effect on the chips.”
“No? I’d heard it did, but that’s beside the point, isn’t it? You had us surrounded by guards as soon as we entered the Mall. They can vouch for us. You will believe your own people won’t you?”
“Get out of my Mall!”
“Are we banned?”
“Without proof of your involvement, I can’t ban you.”
The girls were escorted out of the Mall where they were joined by a group of young men.
“I see you made it out okay. Did they ban you?” asked one of the boys.
“Nope. They couldn’t prove we had anything to do with the shoplifting. Their monitors didn’t pick up anything but static. Who would have thought it could be so simple to beat the system.”
“Yeah, we only tilted their satellite receivers a quarter inch off the mark. They didn’t even notice, and when they finally figure out why nothing was transmitted, they’ll just think the bolts worked loose.”
“Grown-ups are always so busy looking for complicated problems and solutions, they ignore the obvious, which works to our advantage, of course. So, did you guys get everything on our shopping lists?”
Sounds like a home networking problem. It always figures that it’s the simplest and most obvious solution that is the hardest to find. Great story!